| Finding the Way |
Chapter 21 |
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It is true that some people seem never to learn this part of the lesson of thoughtfulness. They have a genius for hurting others. They are continually saying things which give sting and pain, referring to unwelcome subjects and bringing up matters which tend to exasperate or irritate. They seem to walk with heavy boots among the most delicate flowers of feeling as if they were treading on rocks. It is to be expected that we shall learn love’s lessons better than this. Thoughtfulness is one of the finest qualities in a well disciplined life. It regards the comfort and happiness of others before its own. In conversation it is always careful not to refer to things which would cause pain. It never alludes to a man’s physical defects. It respects your sorrow and refrains from rudely touching your wound. Cardinal Newman defined a gentleman as one who never by word or act gives pain to another. This is Christian love’s ideal
But the sensitive person also has a duty in the case – a duty of not showing hurt feeling too readily, of bearing his pain quietly, even if others are thoughtless. For, gentle as we may be, it is practically impossible to avoid everything that may cause pain to a tender heart. The most thoughtful person will some time unintentionally speak a word that will hurt.
A noble spirit will learn to suffer from the thoughtlessness, even from the rudeness of others, and yet be still. No doubt extreme sensitiveness is a fault. Ofttimes, however, the cause of it is at least partly physical, and in a sense therefore it is involuntary. The nerves lie so near the surface that they are exposed to every touch. Sensitive people suffer greatly. One who is less delicately organized gets more happiness out of life, for unpleasant, disagreeable things do not affect him so painfully.
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